This Week in Celebrity...

...Cry-Baby: Umm... They ain't your personal belongings if they don't belong to you! (Via The Superficial.)

...That's Hot: Paris Hilton has no place on this planet. Also, this video proves that she's not really singing on her album. And nobody looks good in night vision. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)

...Mourning: Our opinion of Angelina Jolie goes back and forth, but we are sad to hear this. (Via CNN.)

...Snub: Well... it at least mostly makes sense. (Via Hindustan Times.)

...Silicone, Lack Thereof: The breasts, unlike the nose, are still real. (Via E! Online.)

...Insane Demands: Umm... maybe she should just go to one of those restaurants where you eat in the dark. (Via A Socialite's Life.)

...Hoaxes Gone Wrong: Know how earlier today we told you about Aqua Teen Hunger Force's latest ad campaign going wrong? Arrests have been made. That's a bit extreme, isn't it? (Via The New York Times.)

...Doppelgangers: This is pretty scary, actually. (Via City Rag.)

...Hardcore: Yeah, we buy it. (Via Egotastic!)

...Idol: Because clearly, what this show needs is more crazy. (Via Us Magazine.)

...Bestiality: Harry Potter and the Scrotum of Horse. (Via The Superficial.)

...You Win Some, You Lose Some: It's like he's already living his Where Are They Now? special. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)

Embedded video will air during the Super Bowl, but what's the point if it's already on YouTube?