Monday Manners: Thankyouverymuch

In this virtual world of ours, it's become really easy to forget common courtesy sometimes. The handwritten letter is practically a thing of the past, and thank-you notes are about to make their exit, as well. Pity, really, because people like to know that they're loved and that you appreciate the nice things they do for you.

But beyond the warm-and-fuzzy feeling a thank-you note can give the recipient, and the fact that sending said notes might not be en vogue these days, it is important to note that there are many situations in which not sending a thank-you of some kind—preferably in the mail, but virtual thank-yous are becoming more acceptable—is considered rude and tasteless. Here are a few guidelines to prevent you from making a social faux pas:

• If the gift was for a "life event," like a bar mitzvah, graduation, or wedding, thank-you notes are non-negotiable. Big special occasions like these are when people tend to shell out the cash, and if you want them to continue to do so at your next big life event, you need to let them know that they're appreciated.
• If you've been given a check, you need to write a thank-you note before you take it to the bank. This one's tricky. A twenty dollar check from grandma probably doesn't require a note—you can, however, write "thank you" below your signature on the endorsement line—but a twenty dollar check from her canasta friend does. The less you know the person, the more grateful you have to be, even if you know that your grandmother's friend is worth more money than Oprah and you think she's being a little miserly. But the bigger the check, the wider you have to cast your net of gratitude. If the check is big enough that, upon seeing it, you have a physical or emotional reaction, you'd better thank the giver, even if it is your grandmother. (Grandmas usually accept phone calls, but I know someone who literally got kicked out of the will for not writing Grammie a thank-you note.)
• If you've got a gift registry, you're basically telling people, not only that you expect gifts, but exactly what it is you're expecting. Some people might find this annoying, but it is a part of our culture, for better or for worse. Thank-you notes for these gifts are completely compulsory. Unless you want to be seen as the biggest jackass that ever was [on the Macy's registry].
• If the gift was unexpected, like flowers congratulating you on a job well done, a note is nice, but you should at least acknowledge the sender with a phone call or an email: "The flowers were beautiful, you really shouldn't have, thanks!" will suffice just fine.
• If the gift was from a senior member of your company, you'd damn well better be sure you thank that person profusely. If you expect any chance at advancement, at least. On the bright side, inner-office correspondence doesn't have to be too formal. An email to yourboss@yourjob.com thanking him for remembering your birthday will be plenty. And on that note:

• If you've just been on a job interview, write a thank-you note right away. You should be ready to write that note the second you walk out. Make sure that you get the business card of the person you interviewed with, if it's not the same person you sent your resume to, so that you can thank him personally. If you interview with more than one person, you should be ready to write each of those people. Individually. Thank-you notes over email are perfectly acceptable in this case, unless the company asked for a paper submission of your resume. In that case, they might be keeping info about you on file—the old-fashioned way—and it would be nice to stick a Xerox copy of a hand-written note in your folder. It'll make you stand out.

Image Credit: eBay.