Royal Flush: The Bards

A little while back, I was getting ready to go out for drinks when Latoya puked all over my apartment. The friend I was heading out with looked horrified as I explained that I couldn’t clean it up immediately, because I was entirely out of paper towels (and running low on toilet paper. And all but one of my dish towels was already crammed into my laundry basket. This was not my finest hour.). Then, inspiration struck:

"We’re going out! I’ll just get paper towels from the bathroom at Bards!"

And get paper towels I did. Every single time I finished a drink, I wandered to the bathroom. And don’t think I didn’t send the people I was with off to the bathroom with my purse as well. By the end of the evening, I had enough paper towels to get me through the rest of the week. I did not consider this theft. If I were unable to hold my Strongbow, I could have easily ended up heaving in the bathroom, and would have probably used a lot of paper towels to restore some semblance of cleanliness to myself and made a giant mess in the process. I considered this my "You Are Currently Not A Sloppy Drunk" award.

In the process of my award retrieval, I spent a fair amount of time observing the bathrooms. There are two women’s rooms. Both were pretty clean, had soap, toilets worked, and they were quite well stocked in the paper towel department. Even after I left.

What always catches my eye in the bathrooms at The Bards are the posters with "Random Facts You’ll Never Remember," or something like that (they’re right – I don’t remember). These amuse me first when I read them, and again when I try to recall what they say, inevitably getting out only part of the sentence:

"The number 57 on a Heinz bottle is…"

"Every year, left handed people use right handed products and some number of them die."

"Somewhere, there are antelopes. Or maybe I made that up…"

One day, I will take a picture of these signs so I can remember what they say. Irregardless, you should all feel confident using the bathrooms at The Bards. But don’t take all the paper towels. That’s my stash. Find your own.

Image via cronigsmarket.com.