This Week in Celebrity...

...Rejection: If he read the blogs, he'd know that she's not a firecrotch. Her esthetician makes sure of that. (Via The Superficial.)

...Holy Crap! He's a scrawny guy, but we still wouldn't be happy if this happened to us. (Via Popsugar.)

...Reconciliation: Hell, as a heterosexual female, this Phillyist would want her back, too. (Via Hollywood Rag.

...Coverage: That is the sound of a thousand erections vanishing. (Via Popoholic.)

...Rude: Another category Paris Hilton seems likely to win weekly. (Via Egotastic.)

...DUI: We remember when we used to crush on George Michael. Oh how things have changed! (Via Yahoo!)

...Consciousness: Britney was exhibiting a lack thereof. (Via CNN.)

...Follow-Up: And, asleep or not, she's suffering from "exhaustion." (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)

...Defense: But she may have really been exhausted. (Via Fox News.)

...Inevitability: Note to self: if ever famous, do not date another celeb. It will just end. (Via MSNBC.)

...Acting Like Naomi Campbell: Our new goal in life: to get wealthy enough to be able to beat up our employees, and for nobody to be surprised. (Via Playfuls.)

...Poetry: Rosie O'Donnel made some. It's crap, but it still technically counts. (Via The Superficial.)

...Debt: Whitney Houston's in it, but you can help save her! (Via Actress Archives.)

...Who's Your Daddy? We're about to find out. (Via TMZ.)

...Marriage? We're sure it's true, because there are no two people in this world more likely to throw their lives away. (Via CNN.)

...Surprises: Really? Because it made perfect sense to the rest of us. (Via Yahoo!)

...Ummm: Somebody needs to watch some back episodes of Sesame Street. (Via The Superficial.)

...Babies: If we went through what she had to go through, we don't think we'd try again. That being said, we're happy for her. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)