Love in the Time of... Patriotism

Lest ye be too worried about this man’s plight in the face of pricey-drink loving ladies, fret not. The next many times I heard him, he was saying goodbye to a woman (a different one each time) and saying “I’ll call you tomorrow… Oh no, it was my pleasure meeting you… I’ll see you tomorrow!” But as soon as this woman was out of earshot (I hope), his friends would ask “Are you actually going to call her tomorrow?” and he’d replying “Well, sure. If nothing better comes along.”

Now, I respect anyone’s right to be picky and this charming young lad is no exception. But, if one must lie to a romantic prospect, I vote that he or she pick a lie that acts more like an excuse. For example, Mr. Bad Navy Man (and I know he was in the Navy because I also got to hear him fight with Army guys over how he knew Saturday’s game would go), you could have just as easily said “It was really nice meeting you, I’m not sure what time my ride leaves town tomorrow, if I’m still around, I’ll call you.” Yes, still a lie. No, not good karma. You still run the risk of running into the girls you didn’t call when you’re out with the “better” woman who “came along.” But if you don’t run into them, then at least they had some sort of a head’s up they might not see you again. Give them the option of not anxiously checking their phones as they’re waiting for your call the next day/night (and, yes, I realize that not all women would do that—this may be indicative of how pathetic I can get when waiting to hear from someone I’m interested in—but I’d like to believe there are others out there like myself).

Saturday morning, I went to work and made my normal rounds to the bank and for coffee. Everywhere I went, there were women gushing over “all the boys in UNIFORM!” I felt it my duty to warn them that there was an evil Navy boy on the lose, and finally shared my story as I waited in line at Starbucks. The two girls I was in line with, along with the employee taking our orders, all agreed that whoever this man was, he was, in fact, quite evil—but also not behaving in a way that most guys (or girls) in his position wouldn’t adopt. And they were right. I honestly have no idea what I would do if I had an outfit that I put on and suddenly found myself universally lusted after. It’d probably depend on my mood. I think I’d either be like “Sweet! Greatest thing EVER,” or terrified. And I know I’d definitely only bust it out on select occasions (so as not to potentially use up all of the garments’ magic). But that’s neither here nor there, as I don’t think my store-regulation work apron will ever inspire such a reaction in the hearts of men.

Photo courtesy of this site.