Monday Manners: Post-Fringe Tips

Just because the Festival is officially over, doesn't mean that you're done hearing about it. No, no, no. You see, over the first seventeen days of September, we noticed some pretty bad theatre etiquette, and we thought it might be time to give you a refresher on why it's important to be courteous and well-mannered during a live performance, and how you can behave accordingly.

Cell Phones
You know how annoying it is when someone's cell phone goes off in a movie theatre? Take that annoyance and amplify that by about a thousand, and you might begin to understand how it feels to be a performer onstage when a mobile phone goes off. Not only is it rude to the other people in the audience, but it's distracting to the actors and dancers. It can seriously, seriously mess with their heads. You might not realize this, but everything that happens on stage happens to a certain rhythm, even if it just feels like the actors are having a normal conversation. The phone that you refuse to silence ("Eventually, it'll just go to voicemail") is interfering with the rhythm. It can lead to skipped lines, missed steps...and a lot of very angry performers. When they make the front-of-house announcement at the top of the show and tell you to make sure your phones/pagers/etc. are turned off or silenced (not on vibrate, if your phone vibrates loudly), check. Even if you're absolutely, 100% sure that you did it already. You might not have, after all.

Edible Goods
This is another thing that you'll often hear about a the top of a show. "Please unwrap any hard candy, etc., prior to the performance." That's because candy wrappers make noise. On top of that, if you are, indeed, eating hard candy, for the love of god, don't crunch on it. It may not be heard onstage, but believe me, there are four or five people around you who are plotting your demise. You wouldn't eat potato chips in a theatre, but they're not really that much quieter than hard candy when it comes right down to it.

Some theatres (the Annenberg comes to mind) sell loose candies in cardboard boxes (like Sugar Babies) or bags (like M&Ms). The proper approach to eating these is to pour several into your hand at once, rather than shaking the box or bag up every time you want one. Even though the candies will still rattle when you do this, you're cutting down on the frequency. (And if you're eating loose candy like Skittles, where you don't like a particular flavor or color, be sure to pick the unsavory candies out before the lights are dim. The person sitting beside you doesn't want to be elbowed while you squint into your candy bag and try to avoid choosing any purples. Ed's note: But purples are the best!)

If you're at a theatre that allows bottled beverages, open your bottle at least once before the show begins. Sodas are bad, but even bottles of water hiss a little when you open them. There's also the popping of metal juice lids, or the sound of the plastic seal being broken on regular bottles. Few people will notice if you open your beverage before the show starts, but everyone will notice if you open it after. Oh, and if you're using a straw, don't slurp the end of your drink. It's probably just backwash anyway.

Chatty Cathys
The occasional whispered comment is fine, if it's relevant, but if it's not, please just shut the hell up. That is all.

Latecomers
It happens. I've been guilty of coming to the theatre late. But if the lights are down, you should make your way to your seats as quickly and quietly as possible. Don't talk with your companions. Don't stop in front of the people seated behind you while you get your belongings in order. Come in quietly, and sit your ass down. There's always intermission for the rest of that.

Early Leavers
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Those actors and dancers onstage are doing their best to entertain you. You may not like it, but you can't just leave while there are people onstage. If you have to leave early, try to sit on an aisle so that you won't be distracting the actors or the audience. Or, leave at intermission. DO NOT get up from your center-center seat in the middle of a monologue, no matter how bad you think it is. And DO NOT leave during the curtain call. Those people onstage just spent a good long while entertaining you. It's the least you can do to clap for them while they take their bows. Wait till the actors are offstage, and then you may exit the theatre as swiftly as you like.

Children
I love kids. Adore them, even. But if your kids can't sit still in a dark room during a live performance, they're better off at home. Also, please make sure that the content of the play is appropriate for a young audience. I saw kids in the audience at Every Day Above Ground (T&A), Hell (full frontal), and Rocky Horror PUPPET Show (transvestite puppet butt sex), to name a few. Not only were these not appropriate shows for children, the theatre is not an appropriate venue to have a "Mommy, what's that?" conversation. If you have any doubts about the show content at all, please contact the box office to make sure you're okay to bring your young'uns.

So, why am I posting this now that PLAF is over for the year? Well, all of the theatres across Philly are ramping up their regular seasons (the Walnut's has already started, the Arden's starts this week, etc.), and I just wanted to remind all of you that, even sitting down in a dark room, you should still make sure your manners are impeccable.

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