Hey Man, Can't We All Just Get Along?
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People, people, people!
The internet is, in many regards, a beautiful thing. It lets us do things that we wouldn’t ordinarily do. Like bid in auctions and watch a lot of porn. It also allows us [almost] complete anonymity. So we can be a lot ruder than we ordinarily would in person. Forums, message boards, and listservs are ripe for anonymous examples of bad manners. People even start flame wars on YouTube. And we’ve noticed, lately, that some of you commenters have been less than friendly to us – and to each other. We can take it if you don’t like us. In fact, we sometimes get our masochistic jollies from your comments. But when you start insulting each other, folks, you’re hurting us.
There are polite ways to express your opinions without actually insulting the people you’re expressing your opinions to. You might begin by saying, oh so politely, “with all due respect,” before you convey to a previous commenter that you think s/he is wrong, wrong, wrong. Or, you could begin with the oh-so-blog-friendly “IMHO.” Nobody likes being told that his opinions are wrong. They are, after all, merely opinions. So make it clear that you’re only expressing yours, and while you may not agree with someone else’s, you absolutely respect his/her right to it.
Name calling, cursing, slander, and other insults should be strictly off-limits. They’re rude, and they make the other people reading the posts feel a little uncomfortable (we’ve had this confirmed privately by a few readers). Prove your point in a more polite way and get on with your life. The internet isn’t real, and spending your time attacking fellow commenters like they’re opposing political candidates is a waste of your life. Comment, sure – we love getting comments! – but try to be a little more positive, even if you’re being critical, okay?
You’ll note that on Phillyist, and on several other sites with comment features and message boards, e-mail addresses are not linked to comments, although personal websites can be. If you wish to engage a fellow commenter in a private discussion, its best to visit his personal website (if linked), or to suggest on the message board that you move the conversation elsewhere. Phillyist cannot condone the sharing of personal information over the web, but we can stress that the best-mannered means of communication are often done on a more personal level.
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With all due respect, Jill,---making fun of people can be fun. From Shakespeare to Maureen Dowd to Eminem, to even Voltaire (of "I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" fame) and your own posts, witty insults have given countless people the jollies. On the other hand, some opinions, actions, and personalities deserve to be denounced with overwhelming eloquence (recall the same Voltaire's "J'accuse", his denunciation of antisemitism in the Dreyfuss affair).
The only semi-anonymity I regret flaming here is Katie, who I should have dealt with more gently. (The others were really, really asking for it, and I'm especially glad that racist troll Goldman stopped commenting after I blasted him.) I may not be a connoisseur (or even a patron) of prostitution, or even of the artistic quasi-prostitution I envisioned (involving projectors, and the US flag...), but I hate it when people thoughtlessly accuse its advocates of "objectifying women"---or of being disrespectful to them. Still, on the off chance that she's reading---sorry, Katie.
"So we can be a lot ruder than we ordinarily would in person."
It's difficult to spit in someone's face online.
It's also hard to shout, and chew with bread and wine
Sputtering and spewing out as you whine,
Cut 'em off, ignore 'em, and grope 'em from behind,
Like that fair Texan fellow, who, by God's Design,
Came to restore sweet Dignity to the line
Of Chiefs of the Free World---and to remove the mind.
I'm sure you'd be much nicer to Paris Hilton in person. Though she very likely spends much of her time obsessively googling her own name, there's a chance that she reads what you write---and weeps. Or holds her chin up as high
in the air as she can manage without falling over, and caresses herself, and laughs.
But I'm sure that Paris Hilton is fond of the abbreviation IMHO; it ought to be her Geraldic crest.
"Nobody likes being told that his opinions are wrong."
With all due respect,---you're wrong.
"They are, after all, merely opinions."
With all due respect,---that is, after all, "merely" a tautology, which is what gives this oft-repeated claim much of its rhetorical force: an opinion is, by definition, an opinion! as if it were the pure Idea of an opinion, and nothing more. But in the real world (which the internet is a part of), opinions aren't merely dreams in a vacuum, pure self-contained fancies with no connection to truths outside themselves. Genocide is, after all, merely genocide---especially when absolute relativism murders the world by reducing it to pure Spirit (sheer dream...).
An opinion is an action in the world, flowing from and of the world, the driving force behind our action in the world and our conceptions of world---even our conceptions of etiquette, of what disturbs us, and of our own feelings.
It is our responsibility, as beings in the world, to respect the connection between opinions and the world, between opinions and honesty, between opinions and truth, between opinions and ethics.
"So make it clear that you’re only expressing yours, and while you may not agree with someone else’s, you absolutely respect his/her right to it."
Too often this mantra devolves into the "right" to thoughtlessly assert---and wallow in---your own bubble of ignorance and prejudice (especially when you're the president...). And that's a right for which I have minimal respect---except insofar as it helps keep the world from becoming an utterly destructive war.
I respect his/her legal right to ignorant, unconscionable opinions---even if he/she thinks all black people should be exterminated, or the Holocaust never happened. But I have no respect for these opinions, and minimal respect for the people who are stupid and hateful enough to hold them.
The quality of rudeness is not universal. In many cultures a measure of eloquent belligerence, blunt argument, and witty insult is considered perfectly acceptable---even enjoyable. I have especial respect for the resilience of a spirit that can take witty insults with a smile, and understand mock or mild mockery as one of the most refined forms of endearment.
Oops, J'accuse was Zola, not Voltaire. How dumb of me. Oh well, wishful thinking....
And the other quote ain't Voltaire either, though it's commonly misattributed to him.
Two instances in which I'm happy to be proved wrong.
Oh, I'm still here, and I would have responded sooner, but there were family issues I headed home to deal with, and then I spent five days on a mountaintop, far from computers.
You didn't offend me, but you did misunderstand me. I wasn't "thoughtlessly" accusing you of objectifying women. Yes, there are people who go into prostitution because they see it as an art, but the majority of prostitutes take up the profession because they don't think they have another choice.
Regardless of why a woman chooses that career, or who patronizes her and how, I was more caught off guard by your comment in general. The imagery you used (prostitutes, burning flags) called to mind sexual war crimes more than women practicing their craft of choice, so that's what disturbed me. And I'm not implying that was your intention- but as someone who's done human rights work dealing specifically with female victims rape camps and forced prostitution, that's what came to mind. I should have explained that better then, but here it is now.