Monday Manners: The Gas We Pass

It happens to everybody. We eat something, and the little bacteria that live in our large intestine start to break up the indigestible carbohydrates in said food, and as a result, a variety of gasses are produced. In order to relieve the pressure from these gasses building up, we fart. It’s perfectly natural and unavoidable. So it can’t be rude, right? Right.

Farting in public isn’t rude. It’s just how you handle the farting that can be. If you fart silently, you can obviously keep it to yourself. Saying “I’m sorry, I farted,” when nobody noticed you farted in the first place only draws unnecessary attention to yourself. SBDs (silent-but-deadlies) are a little trickier. Nobody in the room doubts that someone farted, because they can all smell it. Mature adults should be able to grin and bear it and go on with their business. But if the hydrogen sulfide smell is obviously coming from your direction, a sheepish smile and a quiet “excuse me” is all it takes.

The manners of flatulence are much clearer, though, when the gas-passing is obvious. I was at the opening night of DanceBOOM last month, and during intermission, the woman sitting next to me stood, stretched, and literally farted in my face. She then proceeded with her conversation as if nothing had happened. This, dear readers, is not the proper way to handle a big ol’ fart. Especially in someone’s face. If you can’t clench up and let the fart out slowly and inaudibly, then you need to admit to what you couldn’t avoid. There’s no shame in it. Everybody does it. And unless you farted in front of a bunch of eleven-year-old boys, nobody’s going to point and laugh and exclaim: “S/he farted!” It’s probably more adult to acknowledge nature than to deny it.

Sure, it might seem a little inappropriate to apologize for farting at, say, a large business meeting or a wedding reception, but believe me, it’s far less appropriate not to admit to your wrongs. And the least mature thing you can do? Blame it on the dog.

If you want to minimize farting (which, quite frankly, is probably the most polite thing you can do), try to eat slowly (the faster you eat, the more air you swallow, and the more gas builds up), and cut back on foods containing sorbitol/xylitol, foods with large amounts of indigestible carbs (like potatoes and beans), and foods high on sulfites. Carbonated beverages, stress, illness, and mild food intolerances (especially to lactose) can also contribute to flatulence. If you know what food makes you fart, try to avoid eating it unless you know you’ll be alone by the time you start digesting. Believe me: people will thank you and your intestinal bacteria.

Image Credit: A Perfect World