I’m just going to start today’s “Monday Manners” column with an incident that happened to me yesterday. It was pouring rain, and I was quickly crossing Walnut Street so that I could catch the bus I saw a half a block away. A very, very large woman was standing between the bus shelter and the curb. To pass around her, I would have had to go all the way around the shelter (thereby possibly missing my bus, which was quickly approaching), or stepped into oncoming traffic. There was a pause in the traffic before the bus, and I opted for the latter, closing my umbrella and squeezing myself between the woman and the gutter, trying to avoid actually stepping onto the street. I said excuse me, but between the rain and the notoriously loud SEPTA brakes, the woman obviously didn’t hear me. I say this (a) because she didn’t even take one step back as I passed and (b) because when the bus pulled up a few seconds later and I took half a step toward it, the very, very large woman turned to me and said, “Um, you walked right in front of me.”

Well yes, yes I did. But, see, I didn’t do anything wrong there. And yet, I still had to apologize. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I just didn’t want to miss the bus.” The very, very large woman lumbered on to the bus, all the while staring me down over her shoulder, as if she was expecting me to dart in front of her at any moment. And while the thought (sweet sweet revenge!) did cross my mind, I refrained from doing anything outside of my usual, well-mannered M.O.

What can I say? It’s a lucky coincidence I was already planning on writing on this topic today! Because, Philadelphia? As much as I want to makeover your manners, I find this one especially shocking. Who doesn’t know what to do when a person says “excuse me”? Oh, I know! You! It’s a simple formula, Philly: someone says “excuse me” (or, perhaps more formally – and possibly more obnoxiously, but just as courteously – “pardon me”), you need to figure out from which direction the on-comer needs to be excused, and move the opposite way. Because what is “excuse me” but a really nice way for a person to tell you “you’re in my way”?

It’s not just the reaction that counts, either. The words “excuse me” should be a part of your daily vocabulary. Because unless you never leave your house, or you live by yourself on fifty acres (and I’m assuming, if you have reason to read this blog, the latter definitely isn’t true), you’re probably going to find yourself in line for food, getting onto a packed bus, trolley, or subway car, or trying to cross the street at a crowded intersection. Any time that you need to squeeze between people, ask people to move even a fraction of an inch, get in someone’s way, hold someone up, or otherwise come close to invading a someone’s personal space, you need to say “excuse me.” And if you’re traveling abroad, that’s one of the first things you need to learn to say in the language most commonly spoken in the country you’ll be visiting. (After “I’m sorry, I don’t speak your language; do you speak English?” and “Where is the bathroom?”) If you’re in a very loud place (a bar, club, or concert, specifically) where someone won’t necessarily hear you say “excuse me,” try tapping the person in your way on the shoulder or arm. Don’t push. You risk committing one of the most serious party fouls of all: spilling another man’s beer. And all because you were in too big a hurry to exercise some good manners!

Next time, Monday Manners will address other times that it is appropriate to say “excuse me.”

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