"Her Boobs Are Gonna Break Her Nose"

I really enjoy running up steps.

It's odd, because I don't generally enjoy running. (Unless there's a strong wind....)

Last summer I thought about renting an apartment near the art museum so I could go out there every morning (or afternoon---or both---or whenever...) wearing a mask and sweats to run up and down the stairs for an hour or so to hone my butt-cheeks to near-perfection. And also, of course, to become a legend.

Never happened. And now I've given it away, so I never will.

Unless some other random person chooses to take up the mask.... (besides, aside from you and perhaps a few others, who knows who I am?....)

Ironic, because I really hate the fact that the majority of art museum visitors only go for the Rocky steps. Don't even bother entering the museum. Though I'm a little glad for the latter....

You should do an art museum etiquette column sometime. I often see young couples making out on the benches inside, in the midst of the exhibits (most recently in the room devoted to Twombly's Illiad). I also tend to wear distracting (or at least beautiful or interesting) clothes---a faux pas? an addition to the art? a disruption? Also like to people watch, sometimes with sunglasses---is that creepy? or are art museum visitors permitted a bit of eccentricity and curiosity?

And what about when you bring friends and want to show them certain pieces---or their tastes differ significantly from yours---or (worst, and probably most common, of all...) they only want to see the arms and armor section? or they enjoy laughing at the art (saying "she's so fat!" or "a six year old could do that!" or "you call that art!" loudly and laughing outloud---my father does this...)? Would it be unbecoming to kvetch about how crappy the collections are, aside from the late 19th/early 20th-century stuff? And if your friend or date or purblind crotchety grandmother is obviously not getting into a room you're enjoying---or, worse, is being made visibly uncomfortable by the art---is it impolite to try to explain it to them? or if it's better to simply get them away from the offending material, what's the best oblique way to usher them out without confronting them with implications of their close-mindedness?....