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Because the Delaware Theatre Company is putting up a musical based on a Mark Twain story, we thought it would be only fitting to present you with the first Mark Twain quote we found on an alphabetical listing of topics. (We're lazy.) The quote was actually written to Mrs. President Hayes, and it goes: "Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself." Now, on with the listings!
A Murder, A Mystery, & A Marriage - It's always nice to know that there are works by Mark Twain that don't leave high schoolers debating: "Was Mark Twain a racist?" April 26-May 14. Tickets are online.
Killer Joe - It took us a while to figure out if this was a play or a movie. It was the flashing "multi-media" link to a trailer that confused us. But we think it's a play. April 28-May 28. Tickets and information at 215.922.4462.
The Beginning of August - It's called postpartum depression. Like that thing Tom Cruise doesn't believe in. April 28-May 13. Tickets may be reserved online.
The Biggest Box of Crayons - We'll need to find the biggest coloring book. April 27-May 7. Tickets are online.
The Red Mill - This one has a plot, but it's way too complicated for us to even be snarky about. April 28-May 6. Ticket information online.
The Cherry Orchard - Phillyist has read plenty of Chekhov, but the only Chekhov we've seen on stage is The Seagull. This is not The Seagull. April 21-May 6. Tickets online.
Cloud 9 - The plot description on the Wilma's website doesn't describe so much, so we're just going to mention the mannequin-in-drag on the poster. Through May 28. Tickets online.
Natural History - Evolution happens on a smaller scale with people's relationships! Who knew? Through May 7. Tickets online.
Design for Loving - This is the stuff Norman Bates was made of. Through April 28. For tickets, call the box office at 215.563.4330.
Nobody's Lunch - Subtitled: "A CABARET ABOUT HOW WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW WHEN NOBODY KNOWS IF EVERYONE ELSE IS LYING AND WHEN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WANTS TO HAVE YOU FOR LUNCH." Through April 23. Tickets online.
The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales - We loved this book when we were younger, and we can only hope the show lives up to it. Through June 11. Tickets online.
The Drawer Boy - City actor, country hicks. Through May 6. Ticket information online.
Exit Date - A visiting friend recently observed that there are a ton of psychics around Philadelphia. That one of them might have this ability frightens us. April 21-May 7. Call 215.843.1109 for reservations.
Gypsy - It's about the classy kind of stripper. April 21-May 6. Tickets online.
Hamlet - Yet another addition to the current Philadelphia Shakespeare line-up! So...was he mad, or wasn't he? Through April 22. Tickets available at 1.888.OWLSTIX.
Little Shop of Horrors - Try to avoid making an obvious sexual joke about eating. We dare you. Through April 23. Call 215.572.2112 for tickets and information.
West Side Story - We can say a lot about this show. But the thing we think we'll share with you is that, as far as Shakespearean adaptations/modernizations go, it's way better than the Leonardo DiCaprio version. Through May 13. For tickets, call 610.296.9245.
A Skull in Connemara - What's the opposite of grave digging? Through May 7 at the Montgomery County Cultural Center. Tickets through TicketLeap.
Reinventing Eden - If you could make your baby a superbaby, you would, right? Through May 7. Tickets online.
Much Ado About Nothing - This is the second of this year's Shakespeare Festival shows to open, and it's one of Phillyist's favorites. Because we totally get dysfunctional relationships based on verbal abuse. Through May 21. Tickets available online.
Richard III - This one isn't part of the Shakespeare Festival, but seeing as "nobody does Shakespeare better than Lantern Theater Company," we figured we oughtta plug it anyway. Through April 30. Tickets via the online box office.
Trying - The show's summary is a little long, but there's a picture of Logan Square and City Hall on the poster, and our appreciation of that alone might be enough to get us to the Walnut. Through April 30. Ticket information online.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) - "Here's the story of a brotha by the name of Othello/ He liked white women and he liked green jello." Through May 19, as part of the Philadelphia Shakespeare Festival. Tickets available online.
Menopause: The Musical - The name says it all, doesn't it? Shows at the Society Hill Playhouse, Wednesday through Saturday at 8 PM, again at 4PM on Saturday, and Sunday at 2 PM and 5:30 PM. Tickets are $45. Call 215.923.0210 for reservations. The Society Hill Playhouse is located at 507 South 8th Street in Philadelphia.
If you've got a theater listing in the Philadelphia area, let us know! Also feel absolutely free to post other listings on the comments page!
Image: In Stone, Inc.
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