Monday Manners: Walking Out of Stride

Let's start with the basics: once upon a time, before carriages were horseless and roads were asphalt, walking on the outside of the sidewalk meant exposing yourself to all matter of dirt on the road. Seeing as the roads were full of horses galloping in the mud, you could be assured that at least some of the things you'd track in on your boots would be organic in composition, if you catch our drift. Ladies in those days wore skirts that trailed the ground, or nearly did, so gentlemen would walk on the outside of them so that the only thing that dirtied their skirts would be the dirt that local shopkeepers didn't sweep up.

Roads are paved now, and people take cars to work instead of horse-drawn buggies, but the standard should still hold. Why? Well, for starters, if there's anything worse than Philly's sidewalks, it's (often) Philly's streets. The sad, and partly sexist, fact of the matter is that most men are better equipped to get splashed with gutter water than women are. Even if we're wearing jeans, but especially if we're dressed up, we appreciate not getting splashed when a taxi makes his right turn too close to the gutter. It's just good manners, fellows, to walk on the outside of the sidewalk – especially if it's raining. If it's particularly slippery out because of the rain (or because the rain has frozen and become ice), you can even offer a lady your arm. Ladies, don't feel obligated to take it, but bear in mind that cute shoes don't have a lot of traction.

Even if it's not raining, don't forget that old cities like Philly don't usually have the widest sidewalks, either. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of city life, people get jostled while walking down the street. Sometimes, if you're light enough or sufficiently unprepared for the pushing of a passing pedestrian, you can lose your footing, even misstep. If you're too close to the curb, you might find one foot in the gutter. As a rule, women weigh less than men, and for that reason alone, they're more easily pushed. (Also, if a lady is wearing a cute pair of pumps, she doesn't have nearly the sense of balance that a gent in flat shoes has.) You're not being sexist if you circle around to the outside of your lady friend because you think you're less likely to get pushed into the street than she is. You're just being responsible.

And speaking of narrow sidewalks, I should add that much sidewalk behavior needn't follow a male/female line. Unless you're promenading down a boardwalk (parasols in hand, of course), there's really no reason to walk anywhere more than three abreast. This is actually something that really bugs many Philadelphians I know about tourists in Olde City: large families slowly strolling down Fifth Street, for example, completely preventing faster-moving pedestrian traffic from passing. Three is a good number because it prevents any member of a group from being left alone to walk in front of or behind his/her friends, and any more than three people can split into smaller couples and trios, but it's not a magic number: sometimes, sidewalks barely permit traffic of one person walking in either direction. It's here, especially, that having good manners can be appreciated by everyone around you. If someone is headed toward you, you and your group might have to squish together, or temporarily form a Kindergarten-style single-file line to let the oncoming walkers pass. Likewise, if someone is trying to pass you and your group, you should really do your best to let him/her do so. I've found that I walk significantly more slowly when I'm traveling with a group than when I'm walking alone, and I'm sure that most people would find the same is true of them, so I always try to squish against my fellow group members and allow others to pass me. Likewise, if you're the one passing a group, don't silently push your way past them: at least say excuse me before you start to push!

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and the exception I like to make to this particular rule is this: if you are with a group of people and one of your friends has had a few too many, you can say fuck-all to sidewalk courtesy at the expense of getting your friend home safely. If that means walking four abreast to make sure he doesn't fall into a gutter and decide to sleep there, then so be it. I promise you that unless the person behind you is a complete asshole, s/he'll wait to pass until s/he has room to do so. Your friend is better safe than dead, and you can feel free to tell that to anyone on the street who gives you grief about your walking pace – in the most polite way, of course.

Next week, Monday Manners will head downtown – and not to Center City.

Image via: I Am Tony Ang.