Monday Manners: After You

In our never-ending quest to restore civility to Philadelphia, we bring you the first installment of Monday Manners. Although we’ve briefly touched on the subject before, but we decided that the easiest place to start would be door protocol.

Yes, you heard right. Protocol. Because there are a few simple rules to follow, whether you’re out with your special lady friend or just walking into Tower Records. Different situations mean different conventions, but we thought we’d try to get you started.

Ladies and Gents
Let’s pretend for a moment that it’s okay for men to sometimes do things for women. It’s not that we’re not liberated, it’s that we like courtesy. Our Texas-upbringing taught us that, when approaching a door, ladies should do one thing and gentlemen another.

We should make one thing clear: it is never okay for a man to walk through a door first, unless that door revolves. Revolving doors are often heavy. We have no problem admitting to our lack of upper-arm strength, nor do most women. Men should enter revolving doors before ladies to get the momentum going. Otherwise, and we cannot reiterate this enough, the lady should go through the door first. She can be your mother, your girlfriend, or a complete stranger. Ladies, you can help with this. If you get to the door ahead of a man, take a step to the side and let him open the door. You might not do this with a perfect stranger at a busy Center City office building, but you should try it when you’re actually out with men. If they look at you like you’re crazy or ask what you’re waiting for, they’re not worth a second date. If they’re your friends, you can let it slide occasionally.

Inward-swinging doors are a little trickier. Although we cannot emphasize enough that men shouldn’t walk through doors ahead of ladies, sometimes the only way to hold the door open is from the inside. This is acceptable, but if the doorway is wide enough, the man should hold the door open with one arm and escort the lady in with the other. It’s old-fashioned, we know. But rarely unappreciated.

The Kindness of Strangers
We like to follow a ten-foot rule. That is to say, if someone is less than ten feet behind us and clearly walking in our direction, we try, whenever possible, to hold the door open for him/her. Sometimes you don’t see the person. But it’s not too difficult to look over your shoulder when entering or leaving a building – and letting the door slam in someone’s face is just rude.

We try to treat door-opening for strangers and non-romantic friends as if we were the “man” on a date. When we get to a door at the same time as the other person or people, we hold the door. It’s just polite. This is one of those things people tend to do without thinking – but sometimes we forget to be polite because we’re in such a rush. The extra ten seconds you take to hold the door open won’t make you any later than you already are.

One last point on doors: when you’re going through a vestibule (a set of double doors, that is), things can get tricky. How can you be polite but expedient? Well, this depends on the politeness of the other person involved. Technically, you should open the door for the other person to walk through, and then he should hold the second door for you. This can be complicated by issues of gender, disability, or poor manners (we’ve held doors for many people who let the second set of doors slam in our faces).

Well, there you go, Philadelphia. Our first step in making you a more mannered and genteel place. Next week: the aubade, of sorts.