Ask Phillial: We Still Keep Fantasizing About Her

After advising on dildoes and the Depot, we at Phillyist have decided to answer a more tender, loving question. Don’t mind the candlelight dinners and the long walks on the beach. We’re getting in touch with our Oprah side.

Phillyist reader Daniel asks:
“Why does sex with my girlfriend just keep getting hotter? Sex with previous girlfriends always got stale after a while."

Phillyist sez:

Your query reminds us Phillyist folks of a memorable line from that memorable Spike Lee joint, 25th Hour. Ed Norton’s character, Monty Brogan, is reminiscing about his sassy & sexy girlfriend, Naturelle Rivera, to his buddy Frank Slaughtery. “You know something?” Monty says to Frank, (and we paraphrase!) “She’s the first girl who I still fantasize about after I slept wit’ her.” Frank, saucy Irish lad that he is, is simply stunned. “That’s really special”, opines Frank. In the words of a certain Ms. Bradshaw, we couldn’t help but wonder: Shouldn’t this be the normal state of things?

Daniel, it sounds like you’ve already got a handle on keeping things spicy with your gal pal. But sometimes, the rest of us stop the fantasizing once our carnal curiosity has been satiated. Frankly, that sucks. To answer your question – and keep the fantasy alive – we’ve compiled three pointers on how to be The Couple That Doesn’t Stop Having Sex. No bearskin rugs or Hawaiian vacations necessary.

1) Sexy couples aren’t afraid to spill. No, we don’t mean gutsy conversations about “the state of your relationship” or “does this make my butt look big” kind of talks (although the former can be healthy, Alpha Males.) We mean the kind of talks about the fantasy you’ve always had involving feet slathered in Jell-O and a leather swing bolted to the wall. Embarrassed to spill? Start with the slightly naughty, rather than the over the top (most people find the French maid and the naughty teacher fairly innocuous role-plays.) And femme fatales - don’t even think your fantasy might not make the cut with your guy. The majority of men worth their salt are into what you’re into: if it floats your boat, their ego’s stroked (and perhaps something else in the process). And if either of your fantasies squicks the other: sexy couples aren’t afraid to compromise. Would it kill you to don that French maid outfit if you get to indulge in your Pirates of the Caribbean fantasy? Wethinks it wouldn’t.

2) Sexy couples aren’t afraid to ask. Wondering about the safety of said Jell-O slathered feet and that leather sex swing? The sexy couple is the literate and curious couple - fearless about perusing a vast library of sex know-how, or asking the sex vendors questions rather than tittering nervously in a corner. Those public service announcements you saw as a kid were true: knowledge is power. You’ll thank us when you tie those French bowline knots around your lover’s ankles with gusto.

3) Sexy couples aren’t afraid to change the milieu. A beer commercial in the early 90’s featured a steamy couple tearing it up in a hotel room. The tagline? “Your wife is the best sex you’ve ever had.” It drummed up controversy for making wifey sexy – but the ale makers had a point. Your wife can be the best sex you’ve ever had – if you aren’t afraid to mix it up. We only partially joked about the Hawaiian vacation. Can you splurge on a hotel room that will erase his or her everyday cares? How ‘bout making your bedroom a sexy haven, rather than storage for your drenched laundry and the cat box? The truly sexy know when to change the venue, and they aren’t afraid to do it.

So, Daniel, that’s why your sex keeps getting hotter. No dead bears necessary.