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The Cranky Cocktail finds it interesting that the recipe of his that has garnered the most attention hasn't been one of his delicious drinks, but rather the offhand reference to his preferred post-debauch breakfast. Indeed, he's recieved several emails and even a (sadly unattributed) nod in the Philadelphia Inquirer's blog because of it. Never being one to ignore his audience, TCC has decided to give you, his devoted readers, a little extra this week with a couple more booze-friendly recipes.
Being a confirmed bachelor that lives by himself, The Cranky Cocktail has learned how to improvise a meal out of random and assorted fridge gleanings with a decent delicious-to-disaster ratio. Hey, sometimes you just can't bother to walk the six blocks to the all-night supermarket, so instead you have to make do with a can of green beans, two frozen chicken breasts of indeterminate age found lurking behind the ice cube trays, some olive oil, an old shallot, most of a jar of peanut butter, the last of the bourbon and a quarter-bottle of domestic merlot. Some people might get nothing but a stomachache out of that, but The Cranky Cocktail managed a Pan-Fried Chicken Breast in a Bourbon-Satay Deglaze with a side of Five-Spice Drunken Beans.
One secret to being an improvisational culinary genius is to keep plenty of spices around, to better mask the shortcomings in your creation's flavour profile. Another is to keep beer in the fridge. Most people think of beer as strictly a beverage, but the fact of the matter is that it's also a versatile and tasty ingredient in any number of exciting dishes.
Please find below a complete meal -- soup, side and main course -- that use our favourite grain-based carbonated beverage as a main ingredient, simple enough for the culinary-impaired bachelor, but tasty enough for when company comes over.
The sort of beer that you use makes a big difference. Overly hoppy beers don't really work so well in most recipes, and using a weisse instead of a nice solid double bock will really change the character of whatever it is that you're making. Personally, The Cranky Cocktail likes to use a full-bodied ale or medium-strength stout in his cooking, though he's also had some success with more esoteric brews, like Dogfish Head's Raison D'Etre. Just make sure to use a beer with character -- Coors, Bud, MGD or similar pathetic soda-brews won't serve you much better than plain water will.
Extremely Manly Beer Soup
1 bottle beer
1 pint milk
Dark bread of strong character (rye or pumpernickel)
2 eggs
Salt
Sugar
Butter
Assorted spices
Heat the beer in a small pot until almost boiling. In the meantime, separate the eggs and discard the whites. Mix the yolks in with the milk, making sure to combine them thoroughly.
Take a couple of slices of bread and fry them in butter, then remove from the heat and slice into cubes. Add the milk and egg mixture to the beer just as it starts to boil, and then bring that mixture to just boiling. Crumble in the bread cubes and salt and sugar to taste.
Spice this soup up however you like. The Cranky Cocktail likes tossing in some caraway seeds (or even a couple of spoons of Kummel, if he can get it), fresh-ground black pepper and a little lemon zest. He's also had some success with throwing some fried onions or mushrooms into the mix. You should experiment until you come up with something that you enjoy.
The Cranky Beer Steak
1 steak (TCC's favourite: The Porterhouse)
Olive oil
Lemon juice
Beer
Butter
Flour
Mushrooms
Onions
Worcestershire sauce
Salt
Pepper
Whole peppercorns
Mix together some peppercorns, lemon juice and olive oil to use as a marinade. Alternatively, make up your own vinaigrette-style marinade. Marinate the steak for a while. How long's a while? How long can you wait? If you're smart, you'll do this part the night before and leave it marinating overnight.
After marinating, salt and pepper to taste. Make sure you get both sides! TCC likes his light on the salt and heavy on the pepper, but your mileage may vary. Put it under a hot broiler until it's as done as you'd like to be. Meanwhile, fry up those mushrooms and onions in the butter until the mushrooms are soft and the onions are golden. How much to use is up to you, though a pound of veggies total is about right. Season as you desire with salt, pepper and worcestershire sauce, then add two tablespoons of flour roux, about two cups of beer and all of the steak juice from the broiler pan. Stir this mixture well as you heat it, until it comes to a boil. Pour it over the steak and enjoy!
El Borrachon's Beer Beans
1 pound pinto beans (dry)
2 bottles beer (minimum)
1 large onion
6 cloves garlic (minimum)
6 slices thick-cut ham or bacon (minimum)
2 large jalapeno peppers or equivalent amount other pepper of choice
Salt
Fresh-ground pepper
Hot sauce
Chop up the onions, garlic and bacon and peppers into evenly-sized pieces and add them and the beans to the pot. Add one bottle of beer and enough water to cover the ingredients. Bring it to a simmer, uncovered, over medium heat. Make sure you stir regularly. This is very important.
The level of liquid will being to decrease. As it does so, add more beer or water to make sure that it always covers all of the dry ingredients. Cook at a low simmer for three hours, or until the beans are soft (but by no means less than two hours). Season to taste with the salt, fresh-ground pepper and hot sauce. Feel free to throw some other spices in there -- oregano, bay leaf and so forth -- if you think it'll taste good. The Cranky Cocktail has been known to add some cilantro, tequila and/or lime juice to the pot for a little kick of extra flavor.
You can keep this in the fridge for days, and it reheats very well. If you're a lazy bastard and you don't want to sit around a stove for three hours, you can make it in a crock pot, too.
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Wait, that was attributed to Phillyist. Granted, I didn't specify the writer, but if my mother reads this she is going to think her boy is a thief. I'm just a louse.