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The Cranky Cocktail was out the other night at local watering hole Mad 4 Mex at the behest of a good friend whose main squeeze was out of town, thus allowing for a weekend of dissipation and old-fashioned indulgence. Now Mad 4 Mex has a happy hour special, in which they proudly serve "Big Azz" Margaritas at a discounted price. For those of you that care, that's a 22 oz house margarita, frozen or on the rocks, for only $6. Against his better judgement, The Cranky Cocktail ordered one of these concoctions for himself. Yep, just what he expected. Tastes like something that came out of a slurpee machine. Which, to be fair, it more or less did.
Now don't get The Cranky Cocktail wrong. If you're looking to drink something that tastes like Kool-Aid which nevertheless has enough generic tequila in it to get you buzzed in short order, the Big Azz happy hour special isn't a bad deal. The Cranky Cocktail can (with some effort) remember his college years in the Southwest, where rotgut tequila was purchased by the large plastic jug, and the only way one could choke that stuff down was by mixing it with bottles of sickly-sweet "Margarita mix" acquired from the local Circle K. Those weren't proud days, but everyone has things in their past that they regret -- like that time in Texas where The Cranky Cocktail shot a man just to watch him die.
But have you, gentle reader, ever had a real margarita? The genuine article, as it were? Because if you haven't, if all you've ever had has been funny-colored, frozen, pre-mixed fruit-powder abominations, that would be a real tragedy. The tang of lime, the subtle fruity sweetness of the Cointreau, the nutty mellow warmth of the tequila... it's truly sublime.
The same thing goes for daquiris. Rest assured, The Cranky Cocktail is well aware of the daquiri's scandalous and entirely undeserved reputation as a girly-drink. But they were good enough for Papa Hemingway, who bragged about drinking "6 daquiris on an ordinary day and 12 doubles when he wanted to get drunk" -- and nobody is about to question Hemingway's manliness. At least, not if they're within the hearing of The Cranky Cocktail and they know what's good for them.
So please find, below, a pair of honest, clean, unadulterated, no-frills recipes for two tasty summertime drinks.
The Margarita
1.5 oz Tequila
1.5 oz Cointreau
1.5 oz lime juice
Shake with crushed ice. Strain into a chilled glass with a salt-crusted rim.
Look at that: So simple, so pure, so entertaining to the tongue and so fortifying to the spirit! Now, the question of what tequila to use is a difficult one. Personally, The Cranky Cocktail disdains any tequila marketed as "Gold", or "Oro". All that means is that the tequila is young and typically of low quality, and has been adulterated by the addition of flavorings, and often caramel. "Silver" or "Blanco" tequila will work well in this drink, but personally The Cranky Cocktail prefers to drink that stuff straight, so as to better enjoy the strong, raw flavor of the agave. Similarly, "Anejo" or "Reserva" tequilas are far too complex to waste by mixing. It'd be like making a Rob Roy with a 16-year-old Laphroiag, which might actually be a capital crime in parts of Scotland. If it's not, it ought to be.
No, the tequila of choice for a Margarita is "Reposado" or "Rested". It's been aged for a few months, which lets it mellow naturally, without additives or adulterants. The strong taste of agave has taken a bit of a back seat, but it's usually not so complex or subtle that you're going to be missing out on a whole lot.
La Floridita Daquiria
2 oz. Cuban rum (or legal substitute)
1 teaspoon brown sugar or simple syrup
Juice of 1/2 large or 1 whole small lime.
1 teaspoon maraschino liqueur
Blend with ice. Serve in a champagne glass
The amount of sugar or syrup can be adjusted up or down, to taste. Make sure you use maraschino liqueur, not maraschino cherry juice. The two things are totally different, despite being similarly named.
La Florida, called La Floridita by the locals, was Ernest Hemingway's watering hole of choice in Havana. It was there that he was introduced to the daquiri. Now, whether this particular recipe was Ernest's favorite is subject to some debate -- there are those that claim that he preferred to take his daquiri not as listed, but rather with twice as much lime juice and the juice of half of a fresh grapefruit. Nevertheless, this recipe comes straight out of La Florida's proprietary bar book by Constante Ribalauigua, Hemingway's favorite bartender. As Ted "Dr. Cocktail" Haigh points out in his book "Vintage Spirits & Forgotten Cocktails", whether or not this was Papa Hemingway's favorite daquiri is really immaterial. He probably enjoyed both versions, and anyway, it's delicious!
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I'm a big fan of the margaritas as Copa's on South Street [usually], but oh how I remember the days of Bob's Tequila by the jug. Ah, memories.