We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

People often make outrageous claims like, “You have a better chance of getting killed in a car accident than getting eaten by a shark.” Well, no shit, genius. Since we humans don’t spend hours every day wading in shark infested waters, but rather on car infested highways, that proclamation is true, but quite pointless.

The reason we bring this up is because Sunday marks the commencement of Shark Week, one of the most entertaining (and frightening) weeks in television, and the main reason people won’t go any further than shin-deep for the next month.

Every year the Discovery Channel airs a week of primetime programming dedicated to all things Carcharhinus, and like a horrible car wreck it’s hard to look away, even if you really don’t want to see it.

True, this has nothing to do with Philadelphia, but a lot of us do spend time in Jersey and other beaches around the globe. So on the off chance that a wayward bull shark makes off with your raft, you, now armed with a week’s worth of shark knowledge, can go beat it out of him in a safe and timely manner. Or simply count your blessings that the raft wasn’t your leg.

The fun kicks off this Sunday at 8 PM with Mythbusters: Jaws Special, in which, as far as we can understand, professionals bust myths about sharks. Who knows, maybe it’s all been a big misunderstanding. Maybe eating the limbs of others is just how sharks say hello.